Tuesday, June 7, 2016


Talking about your dick onstage is not edgy. It is not daring. It is not progressive. It is the most mundane thing you could possibly mention, onstage or off.

You likely have not noticed (because part of privilege means not having to notice) that this society - indeed, our entire world - is set up to accommodate your dick. Your dick takes up as many seats as it wants on the subway. Your dick has healthcare. It is up to us to avoid your mismanaged dick in bars, in public spaces, in long-term relationships, in our homes and our schools and our ‘safe’ spaces, or just walking by on the street. Your dick makes laws that apply only to our vaginas. Literally every minute of every day, we are aware of your dick: therefore rest well assured that if you host a show or ten shows or every goddamned show ever in the history of shows there is no point at which we will forget about your dick, even if you go that entire time without mentioning or referring to it even once.

You are the system. And whether consciously or not, you benefit constantly and endlessly from that – even in our own microcosmic female-dominated pussy-positive artstripper world. YOU ARE THE SYSTEM. Getting on stage in front of this gorgeous world of Strong and Opinionated Pussy and talking about your dick is basically standing up and saying, Hey. You built this. This is one small part of the largely heinous world where you could have power, you could have a voice, this could be a system of support and accountability that is potentially revolutionary but FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU BECAUSE I HAVE THE VOICE AND I HAVE THE POWER AND EVEN AS YOUR VOICE AND YOUR REPRESENTATIVE AND YOUR PROFESSED ALLY I AM STILL GOING TO EXERCISE THAT POWER OVER YOU BY CONSTANT REMINDERS OF THE SOCIAL AND PHYSICAL POWER I HAVE OVER YOU AT ALL TIMES JUST AS YOU EXPERIENCE FROM MY GENDER IN ALL OTHER FACETS OF YOUR DAILY EXISTENCE.

I seem to recall having heard that bit before. Why don’t you call us when you have some new material and if we’re still looking for hosts at that point maybe we’ll take a look at what you’ve got.